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Doing something I absolutely detest sucks. Helping my friend do something I absolutely detest is helping my friend.

I found this years ago. It struck a chord in me and still does.

Five Apes

•In a cage there are five apes.
•In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it.
•Before long, one ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana, but as soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with ice cold water.
•After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result — all the apes are sprayed with cold water. Turn off the cold water.
•If, later, an ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes will try to prevent it even though no water sprays them.
•Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one.
•The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs.
•To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
•Next, remove another one of the original five apes and replace it with a new one.
•The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.
•Replace another original ape with a new one.
•The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.
•After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs.

Why not?

“Because that’s the way it’s always been around here.”

Last night, I listened to a friend give a speech. One of the things he relayed was how a simple phrase he uses has immensely helped him keep from taking on others’ problems. “I’m so sorry to hear that. How are you going to take care of it?”

These are inspired by “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and It’s All Small Stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life” by Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

As I read each chapter, I wrote a simple sentence (or three) summing up what it meant to me.

• Greet strangers.
• On the way home, park the car for 1-2 minutes of quiet.
• Seek first to understand what someone is saying, then, if appropriate, formulate your reply.
• Listen without interrupting.
• Slow down your response time in conversations.
• Choose battles wisely.
• Recognize when you are feeling defensive, angry, frustrated, stressed, depressed, etc. Realize it will pass.
• Remember life is a test. What can you learn from any given instance?
• Approval and disapproval are about 50/50. Accept them and move on.
• Do commit random, even anonymous, acts of kindness.
• Don’t brag.
• Don’t keep score.
• Acknowledge people’s idiosyncrasies. Don’t try to fix them.
• Each morning, think of someone you love and remember them periodically throughout your day. Consider contacting them.
• Avoid judging others.
• Expect others to see things differently from you. Try seeing from their perspective.
• Don’t expect things to go wrong.
• Everything has God’s fingerprints on it.
• Don’t be critical.
• Agree when being criticized.
• Find truth in others’ opinions.
• See things as already broken. When things do break, your anger about the loss will be minimal.
• Wherever you go, there you are. You cannot change yourself by going somewhere else, because you’re still there.
• Take a deep breath before you speak.
• Become a less aggressive driver. That one weaving through traffic is going to get there maybe a minute before you do. What’s a minute?
• When everything around you starts getting crazy, realize that your soap opera has started.
• Be the eye of the storm.
• Do one thing at a time.
• Periodically, throughout the day, breathe in to the count of 10 and then out to 10.
• Meditate a few minutes, daily.
• Allow changes to plans.
• Focus on what you have, not what you want. Be content.
• Ignore negative thoughts. Accept them as a natural occurrence and don’t dwell on them.
• Ask others, “What are my blind spots?” What am I doing that I’m so used to, I can’t even see that I’m doing it?
• If you can’t be happy now, when can you?
• What you practice, you will become. Good or bad.
• Be of service.
• Accept the totality of your being.
• Accept setbacks and try again.
• Stop blaming others for anything and everything.
• Get up earlier in the morning.
• Ask, “Why?”
• Listen to feelings, yours and others.
• Don’t catch the ball. Someone throwing something to you does not mean you have to catch it.
• All things, good and bad, begin and end.
• Negative thoughts produce negative feelings.
• What is really important to you?
• Accept what is.
• Mind your own business.
• Make ordinary acts/things, extraordinary.
• Schedule “inner peace” time.